4 Reasons Dating in the Modern Age is No Fun
Sure, it would be wonderful to meet a handsome man in the grocery store checkout line, fall madly in love and build a healthy relationship that lasts forever. I’m 97% sure that is not how it’s going to happen for me. I will most likely meet the man of my dreams on a dating app because the apps are proving to be the easiest way to meet new people. However, in my recent experience, I have discovered a few annoying behaviors that make dating less fun. With anything fairly new, there are etiquette rules that must be worked out but we are far enough into the online and app dating game that people should not be doing these things…
1. Endless Chit Chat & No Date
Some people use dating apps to message and flirt but don’t actually intend to initiate a real-life date or simply don’t make the time for it. I believe you have to meet in person to decide if there is a connection with someone. In general, there seems to be a lot of back and forth chit chat and several messages about scheduling. Why is so difficult to get the date confirmed? I understand we are all busy – I can be the worst actually – but it really shouldn’t be this complicated. Stop the chit chat. Meet someone in person and see if there is real chemistry!
It goes without saying that the intentional act of pretending to be someone else or flat out lying on your profile is a no-no. Don’t lie about your age. Don’t pretend you aren’t married. But what about when it’s accidental? We are all just trying to get others to swipe yes and sometimes we don’t realize that we may be misrepresenting who we are.
You have probably experienced something like this. I’m waiting at the coffee shop, eyes fixed on the door, waiting on my blue-eyed, bearded match to walk in, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. To my surprise, a clean-shaven, green-eyed man in khakis and a collared shirt, approaches my table. I’m thinking this is some random dude about to ask for my phone number (since I’m looking all cute for my date) but no, turns out he is my date. I am sure this man standing before me is wonderful and kind and intelligent and quite the catch but I’m personally not big on surprises and now I spend half the date wondering if this guy tried to trick me on purpose! For the record, I have no rule against dating men that shave on a regular basis. But be real. Be yourself – your today self. In return, I promise not to post one of my college photos (when I was 20 pounds less happy).
3. Lack of Creative Date Ideas
I live in a cool city with countless activities available to me. Many of my first dates are simply meeting someone for a drink. So swiping yes typically means I’m meeting a guy at a bar, and we are having a drink (or two). There are several reasons why this works for me personally – minimal time commitment in case I want an escape, minimal financial investment in case he leaves me to pick up the check, or a little something magical to alleviate my social anxiety. But as my boredom with dating grew, it really made me question why I’m not spending my time doing “cooler” activities in this amazing city! I talk about taking advantage of the culture available to me, so why not maximize my time and do these things on a first date? Even if we aren’t a match, at least I would finally get to see that Vermeer exhibit!
4. The Fade
A few dates and no follow up – no problem. If we go on several dates and I decide I don’t want to see you again, I will tell you. I really wish more people were direct. You can’t fault someone for what they do or don’t feel for you but everyone should have enough respect and consideration for someone else’s feelings, that they can be honest. Waiting for a text, not knowing if he is blowing me off, if he reconnected with his ex-girlfriend, if he lost his phone, if he got hit by car and is waiting in the hospital hoping I figure out where he is! … okay, you get my point. Not knowing makes us a little crazy. We’re not a match? … that’s cool, just be a decent person and wish me luck on my other dates.
Dating apps have the potential to make dating fun. I just wish there was already more of an established etiquette. Of course, I’ll continue to use them – well, just one actually (check out Leap if you haven’t already!). Dating apps still provide the easiest way to meet singles in my area, while I get to sit on my couch, in yoga pants, watching Game of Thrones, from the beginning (again). Hmm … Why am I still single?